Wonderland
by Urby
Summary: A ToSAlice in Wonderland thing. Chapter three: A Caucus Race and a Long Tale
1. Down the Rabbit Hole

Welcome to my latest creation! To anyone who really, really knows me, I'm a freak fanart collector. So, being bored (like that's a surprise) I was looking through my fanart. And, lo and behold, I have three-count 'em, three-pictures from three-count 'em, three-different sites about ToS charries as Alice in Wonderland characters. So I'm like, "Well, if the Japanese are doing it, so must I!"Since this is Alice in Wonderland, I don't have a reality check, I have an insanity check. 'Coz the story was written by an opium addict, ya know. O.o  
Today's insanity check is brought to you by...Spring Break. It came, it went, I played Phantom Brave and no ToS. But dayum, I love PB.  
**Monsieur Zee Disclaimer:** Alice in Wonderland was written by Lewis Carroll. ToS was made by Namco. Wonderland adaptation was written by Urby. Urby's computer was made by Microsoft. Dang, the insanity of Wonderland is rubbing off on me...

If you must know who is what, I'm giving you a pairing listing. If you know me well enough, you can figure out what they are. No, I'm not telling you outright. That's no fun.  
Alice/Dodo (questionable)  
Cheshire Cat/Knave of Hearts  
White Rabbit/Dormouse  
Mad Hatter/March Hare (questionable)  
Caterpillar/nobody (haha. I laugh at his plight.)

Sometimes I will refer to the Alice in Wonderland name instead of the ToS name. Sometimes I won't. Just remember to remember who's who. Deal.

* * *

Sheena was starting to get bored of sitting by her sister (at least, in the story) Urby and having nothing to do. Once or twice she looked over at Urby's laptop to read what she was writing, but it was some dull essay on History.

"Why did I have to be Alice?" she asked the rabbit-ish-eared girl.

"Cuz," Urby snorted. "Everyone else is something else. Deal." She stuck her tongue out, but her gaze remained on the laptop screen.

"Obviously," Sheena sighed, being even more bored than before.

The day was rather hot, and the heat was making her sleepy. She yawned as a white rabbit flashed by.

There was nothing remarkable about that.

But the rabbit took a pocketwatch out of his waistcoat pocket, looking at it worriedly. "Oh dear," said he, in a familiar voice, wiping some sweat off his forehead with a handkerchief. "I shall be too late!"

Alice did a double take, realizing that rabbits _shouldn't_ be taking pocketwatches out of their waistcoat pockets, in fact, they shouldn't have waistcoats at all. Moreover, this rabbit wasn't much of a rabbit at all, but it was Genis, with a fluffy little tail large floppy ears that made him look absolutely absurd.

Sheena was burning with curiosity by now. She ran after him, but he dashed off and leaped into a rabbit hole. Ignoring the fact she'd probably have no idea how to get out, she jumped in behind him.

This was a rather queer hole (not gay, you silly monkeys) for it went on like a tunnel for some time. Then it steeply dropped, barely giving poor Alice any time to think.

She might have been falling very slowly, or the tunnel must have been very long, for she had plenty of time to have a look around. The walls of the tunnel were lined with bookshelves and photographs. From one of the shelves she found a box labeled "strawberry truffles", but to her dismay it was empty. She placed it back on another shelf, for fear of killing someone down below by dropping it.

"My, what a long fall," Sheena said to herself, twirling about. "Falling off a roof would be nothing compared to this.

"I wonder how far I've fallen. Maybe right through the earth! Imagine that. I'd have to ask them 'Is this Palmacosta or Altamira?' but they'd think I'm such an ignorant girl. Maybe I'd read about it somewhere."

Down, down, down. For the sake of having something to do, Sheena began speaking again. "Poor Corrine, all alone at home! I hope someone remembers to feed him. Oh Corrine, I wish you were here! I'm sure there're no mice in the air, but I do think you could catch a bat, and those are quite like mice, you know. Do cats eat bats, I wonder?"

Here Alice was beginning to get rather sleepy, and began saying to herself, "Do _cats_ eat _bats_? _Do_ cats eat bats?" and maybe a few times, "Do bats eat cats?"

But she really couldn't answer either question, and the sound of her voice was making her even more tired. She was in the middle of a dream where she was walking hand in hand with Corrine, and asking him very earnestly, "Now Corrine, tell me the truth: did you ever eat a bat?" when she tumbled upon a heap of sticks and leaves, and just like that, the great fall ended.

Alice was in no way hurt at all, and she was on her feet in an instant. She looked up, but it was all dark overhead. There was no time to think about this, for the White Rabbit was running down a hall. Off she was after him, afraid to lose him again.

"Oh my ears and whiskers!" fretted the White Rabbit. "How late it is getting!" he turned a corner, and seemed to have vanished, for Sheena couldn't find him.

Well, anyway, she was in a long hall with many doors. Sadly, each one of them was locked when she tried them, so she walked down the middle of the hall, feeling lonely.

All of a sudden she came upon a three-legged table, made of glass. On it was a little gold key.

Sheena's first thought was that it might belong to one of the many doors, but the key was too small (or the locks too big). After double-checking, she came across a curtain she hadn't noticed before, and lo! behind it was a door about fifteen inches high, where the key fitted perfectly.

She opened the door and looked down into it, marveling at what she saw. Beyond a small passage was the loveliest garden ever seen.

Now Alice longed to be out of this dark, dreary hall and in the garden (who wouldn't?) but she couldn't squeeze herself through the little door, so she got up and went beck to the glass table in hopes of finding something there. This time, she found a little bottle on it (which certainly wasn't there before, mind you) and around the neck of the bottle a piece of paper was tied around it, with the words "**DRINK ME**" written on it in large letters.

This was enough to make Sheena suspicious, for the contents could be anything. She had never forgotten that if you drink from a bottle of poison, it is bound to disagree with you, sooner or later.

There was nothing about it that indicated it was poison, so she quaffed it without a second thought.

And quite to her surprise, she shrank until she was only ten inches tall, which was quite convenient as she could now go to the garden. But alas, the key was no longer there, and lay on the table instead. Sadly, she was much too short to reach up for it, and she couldn't climb up the legs of the table because they were so smooth.

Feeling frustrated, she sulked under the table and gave herself a little lecture.

Soon she spotted a little glass box (must it always be glass) under the table. Inside was a very small cake, on which the words 'eat me' were spelled out in sprinkles.

"Well," Alice thought aloud, "If I grow larger by eating it, I can reach the key. If I grow smaller, I can crawl under the door. Either way works."

So she began nibbling on the cake, checking to see if she had changed size or not.

She was the same size, (for that is generally what happens when you eat cake) to her disappointment. She was so used to having strange things happen it was quite dull and boring to go on with the same old same old.

So, getting to work, she polished off the rest of the cake.


	2. The Pool of Tears

Today's Insanity Check brought to you by...dreams. Ahhh...dreams often go stale when dipped in reality.

Tales of Symphonia/Alice in Wonderland Fanart Status:  
Found two more heehee.

**Disclaimer, foo**: No own ToS or Alice in Wonderland I do. Le boo hoo. Stupid unintended rhyme!

* * *

Rather suddenly, Alice shot upward, much like a telescope. "Whoa!" she cried, looking down. "Goodbye, my poor feet!" (They were so far off, she couldn't see them, you know) "Poor dears, I won't be able to put on my socks and shoes anymore! You'll have to manage on your own! 

"But I must take good care of them, she said to herself, "or they might not go where I want them to. I'll send them a new pair of shoes every Christmas...oh dear, what am I talking about?"

Just then she bumped her head on the ceiling of the hall, now about nine feet tall. She could reach the key now, but all she could do was look into the garden with one eye, which was rather discouraging. So much, in fact, she began to cry.

"You ought to be ashamed of yourself! Big girl like you crying like that," she scolded herself. "Stop at once!"

Such a brutal scolding only made her cry more. She shed gallons and gallons of tears, until they formed a pool about four inches deep and halfway across the hall.

Presently, a pitter-patter of feet announced Genis' arrival. He was splendidly dressed, with a pair of white kid gloves in one hand and a large fan in the other. As he ran, he gasped "Oh! The Duchess, the Duchess! Oh, won't she be _furious_ if I've kept her waiting!"

Sheena was relieved to see a familiar face, and by now desperate enough to ask anyone's help. "Hey..." she began quietly.

The Rabbit leaped a few feet, dropped what he was holding and ran as fast as he could down the hall.

Sheena took the fan and gloves sadly and fanned herself as she spoke (as the room was very hot, you see) "My! How strange everything is today! And yesterday things went on as normal. Have I changed in the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning? I think I remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, who am I?"

As she thought about just _who_ she could be, she reviewed a few lessons to see if she still knew all she used to know.

"Let's see: four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven is-man, I'll never get to twenty at that rate! Well, let's try Geography: London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, and Rome-no, that's all wrong, I'm sure of it! I'll try and say 'How doth the little'..." She cleared her throat and recited:

"_How doth the little crocodile  
Improve his shining tail,  
And pour the waters of the Nile  
On every golden scale!_

_How cheerfully he seems to grin,  
How neatly spread his claws,  
And welcome little fishes in  
With gently smiling jaws!_

I'm sure that's not right!" said the poor girl. "Oh, I wish someone would come along, I'm so tired of being all alone here!"

She looked down at her hands, surprised to see she had put on one of the little white kid gloves while she was talking. "How did _that_ happen? I must be shrinking again." When she compared herself to the table, she found herself to be about two feet high and still going. She soon discovered it was the fan she was holding that was causing this, and quickly dropped it to avoid shrinking away altogether.

"That was close!" gasped Alice, frightened by the sudden change but glad to still be in existence. "And now, to the garden!"

But alas! The door was shut, the key back on the table, "and things are worse than ever," thought the miserable girl, "for I was never this small, ever! And it's just too bad!"

As she spoke she slipped and landed chin-deep in salt water. At first she thought she was in the sea, but she realized she was in the pool she cried when she was nine feet tall.

"D'oh, I wish I hadn't cried so much!" Sheena fretted, trying to find a way out. "Oh, I'm in for it now, drowning in my own tears. That _would_ be strange, but everything's strange today."

Just then she heard something splash about in the distance. As she swam near it, she guessed it might be a walrus or a hippopotamus, but then she remembered she shrank, and she soon made out that it was only a mouse that had slipped in like herself.

_Should I try talking to this mouse?_ Alice thought. _Well, everything is so strange today, it probably can._

"Oh Mouse!" she called out. The Mouse turned and blinked a few times, but it said nothing.

_Maybe it doesn't understand English. It might be a French mouse, which came over with William the Conqueror, _thought Alice.

"Où est mon chat?" she said to the mouse, as it was the first French sentence she could remember. The Mouse leaped into the air, quivering with fear. "Oh, pardon! I forgot you didn't like cats."

"_Not_ like _cats_?" the Mouse shrieked. "Would _you_ like cats if you were me?'"

"Well, no, maybe not," said Alice in a soothing tone, "don't be angry about it. I wish I could show you our cat Corrine, I think you'd like cats if you could only see him. He is such a dear little thing," she went on, half to herself as she recalled her dear pet, "and he sits purring so nicely by the fire, licking his paws and washing his face...so soft and furry...and he's capital at catching mice-oh, dear!" cried Alice again, for this time the Mouse was bristling all over. "We won't talk about him any more if you'd rather not."

"Yes indeed!" cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the end of his tail. "As if _I_ would talk about that! Our family always _hated_ cats: nasty, low, vulgar things! Don't let me hear anything of the sort again!"

"I won't," she said. "Are you...are you fond, of, of dogs?" The Mouse did not answer, so she went on eagerly: "Oh, there is such a nice little dog near our house! A little bright-eyed terrier, you know, with oh, such long curly brown hair! It'll fetch things when you throw them, and it'll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts of things, I can't remember half of them...it belongs to a farmer, you know, and he says it's so useful, worth a hundred pounds! He says it kills all the rats and-oh dear!' she worried. _I've offended it again!_ For the Mouse was swimming away from her as fast as it could, squeaking fearfully.

She called softly after it, "Mouse dear! Please come back, we won't talk about cats or dogs if you don't like them!"

When the Mouse heard this, it turned around and swam slowly back to her. Its face was quite pale and it said in a low trembling voice, "Let's get to shore, and I'll tell you my story, and you'll understand why I hate cats and dogs."

It was very much time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded with the birds and animals that had fallen into it. There was a duck and a dodo, who looked rather familiar, a lory and an eaglet, and several other curious creatures.

Sheena led the way as the whole party swam to the shore.


	3. A Caucus Race and a Long Tale

Today's Insanity Check brought to you by...my lovely room. I'm laying in bed... looking at the stars...when I wonder...  
Where did my roof go?

Tales of Symphonia/Alice in Wonderland Fanart Status:  
You don't care, but I found another one! Wheeee!

**Ba-da-ba-pa-da, Disclaimer time**  
Urby owns nothing. Not even the McDonalds jingle. I'm not lovin' it.

* * *

It must have been rather strange to see them on the bank-the birds with feathers sopping wet, the animals looking freakishly thin with their fur hugging their sides, all soaked, fuming, and uncomfortable.

The first thing that came into their heads was how on the world they would get dry again. After a while, Sheena found herself talking to them like they were old friends, ones she'd known all her life. In fact, she got into a rather passionate argument with the Lory, who finally sulked and would say nothing more than "I am older than you, so I must know better." Sheena tried to get the exact age, but the Lory seemed to be intent on keeping her in the dark.

Then the Mouse, who seemed to be an important person, shouted, "Sit down, all of you! Listen to me! I'll get you all dry soon enough." So all the animals gathered around the Mouse in a large ring, some coughing, some complaining that he'd better get on with it or they'd catch a cold.

"Ahem! Are you all ready? This is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please!" the Mouse said in an important air. "William the Conqueror, whose cause was favored by the pope, was soon submitted to by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been of late rather boggled down by usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria-"

"Egads!" said the Lory with a shiver.

"Beg pardon!" the Mouse frowned, but spoke very politely. "Did you say something?"

"Not I!" the Lory coughed hastily.

"I thought you did...anyway-Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, sent for him: and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable-"

"Found _what?"_ questioned the Duck.

"Found _it_," the Mouse snapped. "Of course you know what _'__it'_ means."

"I know what _'__it'_ means rather well, when I find a thing," the Duck explained, "it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did the archbishop find?"

The Mouse ignored the question, and went on, "-found it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer him the crown. William's conduct at first was moderate. But the insolence of his Normans...any better, dear?" it turned to Alice as it spoke.

"Didn't help at all," she admitted.

"Well!" the Dodo declared, rising, "I say that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more energetic remedies..."

"Oi! Speak English!" the Eaglet cried. "I don't know any of those long words, and I doubt you do either!" some laughter ensued.

"Kids these days!" the Dodo tossed his hair impatiently. "What I was saying was before I was so _rudely _interrupted, the best way to get us all dry would be to have a Caucus race."

"And that is...?" Sheena asked, even though she didn't really want to know, but the Dodo had paused as if he expected someone to speak, and no one seemed to feel up to it.

"Ah, Sheena!" the Dodo/Zelos piped brightly. "Looking fabulous today, I must say..."

"Oh, get on with the explanation!" the Eaglet blurted, for he didn't know what it was either.

"Oh, goodness, not you again!" Zelos tapped a foot impatiently. "Well, the best way to explain it is to do it."

Now, in case you feel like try it yourself when you're bored, here's how they did it.

First they drew a large circle-thing for the race course (the exact shape doesn't matter, really) and all the animals were placed on various spots on said circle-thing. No one yelled "Go!" but everyone ran when they felt like it, stopped when they felt like it, walked, chatted, stood on their head, whatever, so it was rather difficult to see when the race was over.

They had been at it for about a half hour when the Dodo yelled "Stop!"

"But who won?" the animals asked, crowding around him.

The Dodo considered this for a while, with one finger/feather pressed on his forehead. The rest watched him in silence. At last he said "Everybody won, so everyone has to have prizes."

Many cheered, but once again the Eaglet cried, "But who's gonna give out the prizes?"

"Why not her?" Zelos pointed to Sheena. The animals swarmed her, yelling "Prizes! Prizes!"

Sheena reached into her ribbon out of desperation (for there wasn't a single thing in her pockets), and found a small box of rice crackers. There was exactly one for all the animals.

"But you have to have a prize too, my dear," said the Mouse.

"Of course," the Dodo replied gravely. "Anything else in that ribbon of yours?"

"Just a thimble," said she, glumly.

"Hand it over," the Dodo ordered.

They all crowded around them, while the Dodo solemnly presented the thimble, saying "We beg your acceptance of this elegant thimble"; and when he finished this rather short speech, a cheer went up from the crowd.

Now here poor Sheena is thinking all this to be rather absurd, what with the race and the thimble and Zelos being a dodo ("Although it suits him, really," she thought) but she couldn't think of anything to say, so she bowed and took the thimble while trying to look as serious as she could.

The next thing everyone did was eat the crackers, but it caused quite a hubbub: the large birds claimed they had no taste, the small ones choked on theirs. Finally, it was over, and they all sat down in a ring and demanded the Mouse tell them another story.

"You said you'd tell me your story," Sheena reminded the Mouse. "About why you hate...C and D..." she coughed, not wanting to offend it again.

"Mine is a long and a sad tale!" sighed the Mouse.

"It _is_ a long tail," she remarked, looking down at the Mouse's tail. "But why do you call it sad?"

She kept thinking about this while the Mouse told his story, so her idea of it went like this:

**Hem, hem! The following may not show up due to weird formatting...the following is supposed to be in the shape of a mouse's tail. If it doesn't show up, just think like an S with five 'bends'.**

_"Fury said to a_

_mouse, That he_

_met in the_

_house,_

_'Let us_

_both go to_

_law: I will_

_prosecute_

_YOU. --Come,_

_I'll take no_

_denial; We_

_must have a_

_trial: For_

_really this_

_morning I've_

_nothing_

_to do.'_

_Said the_

_mouse to the_

_cur, 'Such_

_a trial,_

_dear Sir,_

_With_

_no jury_

_or judge,_

_would be_

_wasting_

_our_

_breath.'_

_'I'll be_

_judge, I'll_

_be jury,'_

_Said_

_cunning_

_old Fury:_

_'I'll_

_try the_

_whole_

_cause,_

_and_

_condemn_

_you_

_to_

_death.'_

"You are not paying attention!" the Mouse huffed. "What are you thinking of?"

"Oh, sorry!" Sheena stammered. "You got around to the fifth bend, I think?"

"I had _not_!" the Mouse snapped.

"A knot!" Alice declared, trying to make herself useful. "Oh, please help me undo it!" she looked about anxiously.

"You insult me by talking such nonsense!" the Mouse growled, getting up and walking away.

"I didn't mean it!" pleaded the girl, "but you're so easily offended, you know!"

The Mouse harrumphed in reply.

"Come back and finish your story!" she cried after it, and the others joined in with "Yes, please do!" but the Mouse simply walked away a little faster.

"Pity it couldn't stay," the Dodo sighed.

An old Crab said to her daughter, "Don't you ever lose _your_ temper, now!"

"Hold your tongue, Ma!" the young Crab snapped. "You're enough to try the patience of an oyster!"

"Oh, if only Corrine was here," Sheena mused, to no one in particular, "he'd bring him back right quick!"

"Who is this Corrine?" the Lory asked.

Sheena perked up, relieved to have a chance to recall something about her home: "Corrine's our cat. Oh, he's a master at catching mice! Oh, oh, he's fantastic at chasing birds! Why, he'll eat a little bird as soon as look at it!"

The remark sent a great pandemonium among the crowd. The old Magpie wrapped itself up very carefully, remarking, "I really must be getting home; might catch a chill, you know!" and a Canary called out in a trembling voice to its children, "Come now, my dears! Bedtime!"

The Dodo _eeeked_ and tried to take off majestically off the shore.

But, as you might know, dodos are flightless.

So poor Zelos fell flat on his nose.

Beak.

Whatever.

"You alright?" Sheena couldn't help asking.

"Fine, fine, nothing to see here," Zelos muttered, trying to get his beak out of the dirt. "Wow, I can see why these birds went extinct!"

"Here, let me help you," Sheena grabbed his tail and yanked on it.

"Ow! No, no! Stop that!" Zelos whined, flailing about.

"I'm almost there!" Sheena pulled a little harder. "Just...hang on!"

Zelos the Dodo popped out of the ground with...well, a pop. Insert cricket chirp here. For more stupid insect interruptions, go read Twists of Fate please.

"Well!" Zelos coughed. "I guess I can't get off this place. Might as well go inland. See ya later?"

"Sure," Sheena shrugged.

"You keep looking great, okay?" Zelos winked and wombled off.

In a little while, however, she heard some pitter-pattering of footsteps in the distance. Was it the Mouse, coming back to finish his story?

She ran over to find out.


End file.
